Superintendent
Long Prairie-Grey Eagle Public Schools
Our words have a funny way of dividing people. What’s ironic is that in trying to prove our point, we often miss the very thing we’re trying to accomplish: helping someone see a different perspective. Even rarer is taking the time to understand theirs.
Saying something like, “People need to realize that AI is here to stay. Get on board or be left behind,” might feel strong. Maybe even satisfying. It can come with a sense of certainty, like you’ve said what needed to be said.
But what did it actually accomplish?
More often than not, it creates a line between those who agree with you and those who don’t. It may win a moment, but it rarely moves someone forward.
Being loud gets attention. Being abrasive can feel powerful. It can even give the impression of strength. But with all that noise, what actually changes?
I’ve seen this play out in my own work.
When I introduced a committee structure that involved every staff member, I knew the reaction I’d get: “We’re having a meeting about how to have meetings so we can have more meetings?” The eye rolls were coming.
Instead of pushing through that resistance, I started with a short video poking fun at the dysfunctional roles we’ve all seen in meetings. People looked around at each other at first, unsure if it was okay to laugh. Then they did.
That moment mattered. We didn’t call anyone out. We didn’t demand change. We created space. And from that space, we could actually talk about how to improve.
I’ve also been on the other side of it.
I’ve had evaluations where I clearly identified an issue, but didn’t help the person see the opportunity to grow. I remember one in particular where the only thing the teacher walked away with was that they were “a bit blunt.” I said a lot more than that. It was mostly positive.
But that’s what stuck. In that moment, I was heard but not in the way I intended.
This work is difficult. It involves navigating emotion, perception, and sometimes resistance. It doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Sometimes, it would be easier to just say it the way it is; to be direct, to be forceful, to move on.
And sometimes, we don’t really want to understand the other perspective.
But if we don’t take the time to understand where someone is coming from, how can we expect to lead them where they need to go?
If our goal is really and truly to make a difference, how we say something matters more than what we say.
So the next time you feel the urge to make the definitive statement, the one that proves your point and settles the issue, pause.
Ask yourself: Do I want to be loud, or do I want to be heard?
Because those are not the same thing. And the answer makes all the difference.