Superintendent
Long Prairie-Grey Eagle Public Schools
There is a story I tell people from time to time about a boy I once knew. When I met him, he was angry at the world and desperately seeking attention. He happened to be Native American, though he could have had any number of backgrounds in this story. He came to school with baggy pants, chains, and that general rebellious rapper look. He often made teachers uncomfortable by accusing them of racism when he didn’t get his way. He came to our school through the foster care system, and as I got to know him better, I realized he was looking for something.
One day I asked him, “What draws you to rap? In particular the whole look and feel associated with the “gangster” look you have adopted.” I pointed out it wasn’t his culture, but I could tell he was drawn to it. This rebellious teenager, who was convinced he got dropped off in the middle of nowhere North Dakota, decided to give me an honest answer.
He contemplated my question and gave me a very insightful response. He said, “It’s not your culture. I know what I am not. I am not so sure who I am, just what I am not.” He was referencing white culture, if you are wondering. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to create a class around this interaction. I was an art teacher as well as a principal at the time. I knew this student had a knack for creativity, and so I created a whole new class. This class entirely focused on learning about people from his native tribe and the artwork they created.
In time, this student stopped defining themselves by what he was not. He stopped being angry, started enjoying school, and even felt more a part of the overall school community. I am proud to have played a part in helping this student define who he was, not who he wasn’t. He didn’t have to change who he was and his heritage to find his own place. In fact, in being able to define who he was, he came to genuinely feel he was a part of the school community.
This was a powerful lesson that I took to heart. As a parent, I want to help my children define who they are, not who they are not. I don’t want them to feel like the only way they can find their identity is by defining what they are not. We all crave to leave our own mark on the world and have our own sense of identity. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we don’t leave space for others to feed this craving.
Sometimes we draw lines that are far too rigid between ourselves and others. We tell people they can only be a part of a community if they adopt all the norms and expectations already in place. We tell people they can’t join our social group unless they conform to some arbitrary stereotype. We don’t seek to understand or even appreciate what someone brings to the table; just demand they leave whatever identify they had at the door.
When you hear a teenager gravitate towards rebellious music in yet another generation, read about a teacher enthusiastically defying age-old pedagogies, or watch the youthful vigor of someone starting a new profession slowly die as they are told exactly how to act and what to think; it all comes back to having that space to make our mark. That space to define what our contribution will be. It can feed a passion, or when taken away, starve it. Stop and consider for a moment. Do you help those around you define who they are, or simply provide a contrast for what they are not?
